A Testimonial of Gratitude to my “Family”

Every person has their own story to tell. Whether we share that story with others or not is entirely up to the individual. I am choosing to share. Not because I believe my story is more important than anybody else’s, but because maybe in sharing my story I can inspire someone else to share theirs.

Contrary to popular belief I haven’t always been the strong, confident young woman most of you know today. The journey to be the best me I can be has been a long road of ups and downs and twists and turns and I’m not even at the end. I won’t bore you all with the details of my childhood but I do want to share an excerpt of my life that has helped me become the person I am today.

Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” I can personally attest that that is one of the truest statements ever made. I was once a big proponent of silence. Not too long ago in fact I made it a goal of mine to maintain a level of invisibility to achieve going it alone with greater ease. I didn’t want anyone to know my business, my past, my feelings, my thoughts. Nothing. I wanted nothing more than to get up, go to work, keep my head down, and hope that no one made eye contact with me so I wouldn’t have to make conversation. Why? Because I was afraid people would judge me. But in reality the only one judging me was myself.

When I was sixteen years old I was sexually assaulted at a party. Instead of reaching out for help I internalized the issue. I was convinced it was my own fault and I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I turned to food not only to cope but also as a mechanism to make myself fat so I would become so unattractive and gross no guy would ever want to touch me again. I was drowning in self disgust, self loathing, and was teetering on the edge of suicide. One day I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to take back control of my life before it was too late. Finally coming forward about being sexually assaulted was not easy, and I was not met with the support that I was desperately in need of. But as I stood in front of the mirror one day and didn’t recognize the person staring back at me, hollow eyed, pushing 200 pounds, I knew I had to do something. So I joined a gym. Where I met the most obnoxious, loud, cocky, abrasive, Jillian Michaels wannabe personal trainer named Christina, who called me every time I missed a session, texted me to make sure I ate breakfast, and never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself. With hard work, and lots of failure before my successes I began to make strides in the right direction. It was an ugly process filled with sweat, tears, set backs, and endless frustrating gym sessions. But I’ve continued to push forward and plug away at my goals as I slowly learned and re-learned, and re-learned again, the meaning and value of self-respect and the importance of surrounding myself with people who are going to support me and not tear me down. In learning to love myself, and put in the work for myself, I have overcome many obstacles to transform into the person I am today. I followed Christina from gym to gym and have settled in nicely with my new “family” at Get In Shape for Women Danvers. With the never ending support of Linda, the manager, and the incredible mentoring from Michael, another trainer, and of course the tough love from Christina, I have a new found love for working out, absorbing physiological knowledge, and working towards helping others achieve their own personal fitness goals. With their love and support I have gained confidence in myself that has enabled me to be proud to share my story, and the courage to volunteer to share that story.

I walk into that gym no matter what kind of day I’ve been having, or what kind of mood I am in, and I can’t help but smile. I walk in and I just light up. Whether it’s hearing Linda shout my name at the top of her lungs, attempting to perfect but never quite getting the secret handshake right with Michael, or walking into a workout from hell (that I love) with Christina, I am eternally grateful to have them in my life. Not to mention all the women stopping to shout, “hi Kate!” or to tell me how great they feel after last workout, or just to tease me about one thing or another, I can’t help but feel like I have become apart of something special. I have a team of people behind me 100% and I have never been happier.

So there is hope for me…

That’s what a woman said to me today at the gym. I was finishing up my foam rolling and my stretching and telling everyone about the walk I’m doing at the end of the month, (Donate here please,) and Christina yells out “Kate lost 80 pounds and is now a size two for the first time in her life!!!” So now of course everyone is interested in what I have to say. (Thanks, Christina.) So I grab the photo off the wall of me 80 pounds heavier and everyone stops what they’re doing to stand around and look at the picture, then back up at me, then back at the picture. Most of the women were in shock or in some state of disbelief. I heard a lot of “wow” floating around the room. And then of course the question everyone is eager to hear the answer to…how did you do it?

I pointed to Christina and she shook her head and yelled PROTEIN AND VEGGIES! The truth is whether she will admit it or not, Christina was a huge kick start for my success. I met her in 2009? 2010? at a gym called Healthworks. I don’t know what made me chose to join that particular gym, but it came with a special introductory personal training package. I didn’t choose Christina and she didn’t choose me. Some lady at the front desk at random booked me for a session with her and that’s where it all began. Admittedly she wasn’t my favorite person in the whole entire world when we first started together, but at the time she was the only one in my life asking me what I wanted. What was important to me? What could she do for me? And everyone else in my life wanted to know what I could do for them. I needed the push she gave me. The no nonsense attitude. And the amount of research she put in to my specific injuries to tailor my workouts was ridiculous. It was so impressive to me that I have followed her from gym to gym to continue absorbing all the knowledge I can from her. And because she’s just a lot of fun!

So as I’m talking to a woman about my path to success and how I did it it dawned on me that I had to stop and emphasize that it wasn’t an overnight transformation. I had to make a whole lifestyle change. I don’t even have the same friends as I did back then. I have learned portion control, and and self control so that when I want an occasional treat I don’t feel like I’ve ruined my whole diet. But that is something I’ve developed over YEARS of hard work. It was probably about two years before I really noticed a complete change. And I’m still changing. I went dress shopping for my sisters wedding yesterday and I had to put on a size TWO to find something that remotely fit. Size two. I have NEVER been a size two. It was an amazing feeling! But I didn’t become a size two overnight. It’s been years since I began my journey. Years. What people don’t understand, is that getting in shape takes time. And the more out of shape you are, the longer it may take to get into shape. But putting continued effort into it, setting goals, and remembering that yes, there IS hope for you when you put in the EFFORT, you too can be the person you want to be. 

 

Before….

 

After….

 

 

Anything is possible when you put your mind to it.